Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|12/31/01 at 19:14:34|
|salaam..i'm a muslim youth having a horrible time trying to |
be a good muslimah...i come from a very islamic family mashallah..but i
have a hard time "keeping up with them"...my parents want me to drop
out from school and memorize the whole quran..its not like i dont want to
do that..but i dont want to be behind in my school either...i feel
really bad cuz my parents really trust me...and i still do stuff that i
know they would kill me for...like i talk to guyz online..something i know
my parents would never approve of..i listen to music..i would be dead
if my parent knew that...i'm really scared that as time goes on i'll get
worse and worse...ive tried fasting..it doesnt seem to help...my
friends arent the best "support group" sice they all do the same things i do
and more...any ideas on what i can do to get ride of these habits?
|01/01/02 at 01:13:23|
|As Salamu Alayka,|
Seems to me you have a taqwa problem. The guilt about these things seems to originate from what your parents may think as opposed your actions being contrary to the laws and commandments of Allah SWT.
One of the hardest things for me to do and keep doing after I reverted was to keep away from 'friends' who led lives heading in the opposite direction I wanted to go in al-Islam. But that was by far one of the things I do to keep myself on the right path, and in the right company.
It may not be an Islamic saying word for word by definitely by implication, but the saying 'Your friends are who you are' fits any bill. Shake them and you just may shake the habits.
|01/01/02 at 01:35:45|
|I am not Muslim, but I am a parent. I think it was great you coming here and I think that was the first step to turning things around as you came to a place where brothers and sisters can help. |
When you feel yourself slipping why not come here and be around people who share your basic beliefs. Although I am not a Muslim I have found the people here to be very kind and caring. So as a Mom myself, coming here to seek people of your faith and admitting a problem ...
well I would be proud of you. Admitting there is a problem is the hard part. Looks like you just did that :)
Sometimes because we care so much, us parents we tend to re-act before we think. Then we give guidance. Kind of like 'yell then ask questions later'
Why not consider going to your parents about this. They may be more understanding than you think. Remember they were your age too once :O I know that's hard to believe :)
Maybe an aunt or grandmother. If you do go to your parents and they do re-act please remember they Love you and are responsable for you and they are doing what they do only out of Love and concern. If you chose not to go to them come visit here.
|01/01/02 at 13:49:38|
There's two (sometimes more) sides to any situation...Although your parents may seem inflexible about you staying in school, think about the big picture. A year or so out of school, is nothing compared to graduating college at the age of lets say 22 instead of 21, but having memorized the ENTIRE Quran, Mashaallah!!! The additional benefits of a Hafidh are innumerable, cuz everything else is really just dunya related and in truth passing...Build on your akhera and your Taqwa :):):)
About talking to guys online it could be a dangerous thing especially if they are just random. Aside from Religious reasons, a lot of horror stories have been reported about stalkers etc. If you do know them, then just keep in mind that its easy to transgress into areas of haram.
As far as Music, why don't you listen to Nasheeds ( I love them) :):):) Its a good alternative to the Sex,drugs, partying, exploitation of women (often found on radio/mainstream), violence, etc that they keep streaming into your ears. The corrupting effect goes wayyyyy beyond the couple of minutes you spend listening to them.
Please do register here for friends, conversations, and support:-)
Sometimes changing who you hang out with does make the whole difference in your perception of the deen. Islam is a constant inner jihad and sacrifice, but think of the ultimate prize :o:o isn't is sooooooooo worth it?...May Allah ease your affairs and guide you in the straight path (Amin) :-)
|01/01/02 at 16:37:22|
|salaam..thanks for the advice...thanks to u guyz i decieded to register:)|
|01/01/02 at 17:07:05|
Welcome to the board :) Do introduce yourself in the Bebzi Stand :))))
|01/01/02 at 17:47:55|
I think its important to associate yourself with good friends that can encourage you to do good and set an example for you. Insha'Allah you'll find alot of wonderful people here that will help you.
|01/02/02 at 05:03:36|
I think its important to associate yourself with good friends that can encourage you to do good and set an example for you. Insha'Allah you'll find alot of wonderful people here that will help you.[/quote]
Abu Moosa Al-Ashari (RAA) reported that the messenger of Allah (SAW) said what translated means:
" The examples of a righteous and an evil companion are those of a carrier of musk and a blower of bellows (respectively). The musk carrier may give you some as a gift; you may buy some from him;
or(at least) a nice fragrance will reach you from his direction.
The bellow-blower may burn your clothes or (at best) a bad smell will reach you from his direction. "
|01/02/02 at 07:03:55|
Wow, ma sha Allah! I'm impressed that you had the courage to admit how you're feeling. I know that people have a hard time actually saying or writing how they feel, because doing so makes it real and concrete, and you can't kid yourself about it anymore! (I know that from personal experience!)
Don't be hard on yourself and call yourself Imaanless. I'm sure that if you keep comparing yourself to the rest of your family that you say are very Islamic you'll feel terrible, but then again, you are Muslim and you do want to get rid of your "bad habits" and that's a great place to start. It's a first step and insha Allah sincere repentance will come right after. This board is also a good place to start. Most of the people here are ma sha Allah very unjudgemental and are encouraging, not discouraging :)
|01/07/02 at 06:06:35|
[quote]I think its important to associate yourself with good friends that can encourage you to do good and set an example for you. [/quote]
very true, i know from personal experience that having friends who are good muslimahs :-) means that your own level of taqwa rises significantly and they encourage you to do good deeds etc. my group of friends opened up to me an amazing support group that i never had before (not even from my family).
[quote]Insha'Allah you'll find alot of wonderful people here that will help you. [/quote]
i would second this - some of the brothers and sisters on this board are sooooo knowledgeable :) and as a collective ummah we have all experienced so much in our lives that there's bound to be someone on the board who can help u with any problems.
|01/07/02 at 16:44:17|
Indeed, mny advice to you would be to get a new group of practicing Muslim friends who will encourage you in good deeds. The most honorable person in the sight of Allah is the one with high imaan.
Regarding the school issue, a friend of mine is leaving at the end of this month to become hafiz. This friend is still in high school and when he comes back from having memorized the words of Allah he will pick up where he left off. 2 to 3 years spent memorizing the Qur'an is better than any degree.
Mashaallah I think your parents are doing an excellent deed by encouraging you to become hafiz, the rewards for this are immense. So, while you are still young and healthy you should take advantage of such opportunities. Also, while you are in the madrasa there will be no music, no chatting, no boys, etc.
But no one can force you to do something you don't want to do. The way to proceed is to speak kindly and gently with them and inshaallah you will come to an understanding.
|01/07/02 at 19:02:37|
i know being a hafaz is a great thing and all, but i already do homeschooling...i already take everyday arabic classes..and i find that to be a big sacrifice on my part..since i loved being in school..and dont enjoy going to arabic classes...but my parents dont seem to see all that..all they want is more and more..and its not like i have a say in what *I* want..everything goes thier way..and i dont find that fair...i know some of u guyz r gonna be like..ur parents know whats best for u and all...but is there something wrong with asking me what i want?..i sooo did not want to do homeschooling for 8th grade (i was going to islamic school b4 that which i really loved)..but my parents got upset with me for saying i didnt want to do it bcuz i'm the type of person who needs someone on there back to get working..and now i'm suffering cuz i am soooo darn behind and my midterms r like almost here (my father doesnt know that yet...i'm hoping i can catch up b4 my deadline)
i'm not the type of person who is very good at sharing there feelings and stuff..so i keep stocking up on stuff inside of me..and there r times when i'm sooo very sick of keeping it all in...but i'm too scared to tell my parents what i feel cuz i'm scared of them being upset at me (which just makes everything even worse)...and all this discorages me even more in being a good muslim cuz i dont think i'll ever be good enought to be approved by my parents.
lord..this post became longer than i wanted it to be..lol..sorry for boring u ppl
PS:pleaz remember me in ur duaa's...i have arabic exams right now..and i have my midterms coming up:)
|01/08/02 at 03:11:38|
I was a teenager once and went thru lots of emotions that perhaps you are going through right now. So, despite the fact I am now an "old" mother of 2, I can relate somewhat to what you are venting
What you and your parents need to know is that Islam is not just about practices, neither is it just abt faith and believing. Its the beautiful synchronicity of both faith and practices. One cannot profess to be a Muslim and yet not perform what is asked of him neither can one just do whats necessary without the sincerity of actions or just because one is forced to do so.
You are not a child. Ask yourself why you have this overwhelming feelings abt what your parents ask you to do. You'd be surprised with the answer. Very often I find parents who "enforce" certain practices on their children. Yes, these practices are good in themselves but to enforce them upon someone is perhaps not a wise way of inculcating good habits. In fact, it might even lead to resentment and rebellion.
A parent must always respect the child's intellect. When a parent wants a child to practice something, eg memorising the Quran, then the parent must sit down and talk with the child. Initiate that interest and love for memorising the Quran and not just expect the child to robotically obey. Is this missing between you and your parents SST ?
Nevertheless, the child too have responsibilities, and one of that responsibility is to at least weigh the parents advice carefully. If you think that memorising the Quran is good, then negotiate with them regarding staying in school and memorising the Quran. Communication is very important so that you do not harbour negative feelings and thoughts.
At the end of the day SST, you must realise that for a flower to bloom, you must provide the seed with a fertile environment and necessary nourishments like sunlight and water. Similarly for your faith to strengthen, make sure you surround your mind and heart with people, activities and thoughts that will remind you the beauty of Islam.
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