Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|Rights of Pregnancy|
|12/09/01 at 19:43:28|
Ladies (and I would like some guy's views on this subject)My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years now. Early in our relationship we agreed to put off having a baby for a little while because of both of us finishing some education etc. For the last year this has not been an issue.
My question then is this. What are my rights to say that I want to have a baby now. I am not young, nor old but I feel that I would like to have children before I get to be 35 years old (2.5 years away). Is there a surah or hadith that says my rights to have children?
Also because we discussed this before marriage about having children (both agreeing to 2 children God Willing) does this also give me grounds to divorce my husband if he refuses to start trying to have children.
Sometimes I feel very selfish, but I also feel that I have a right to have children and is one of the reasons that I chose to marry. My husband will not answer me on the question now if he wants to have children anymore. I am very concerned since I am not getting any younger.
Thanks for any advice
|Re: Rights of Pregnancy|
|12/10/01 at 02:29:29|
Is contraception allowed ?
Contraception is permitted under the following conditions:
Mutual agreement of both husband and wife.
It does not cause harm.
It is not be practiced on a permanent basis, but rather for a temporary period (such as two years until the breastfeeding of the current baby is completed, for example).
You and your husband should talk to a Scholar on this matter so both of you can come to a new agreement. You both have a say in this issue and need an Scholar to help you out. Allahu'Alim. Here is a great Fatwah number you guys can call InshaAllah and talk to some very good Scholars on this issue.
Hope this helps!
Your Sis (sorry I aint a bro) :) in Islaam
|Re: Rights of Pregnancy|
|12/10/01 at 06:19:35|
|slm Sister Ayla,|
I feel sad for you.
I do not know your rights from an Islamic perspective but what I'm going to say is my view.
Firstly don't feel selfish for wanting children Sister. The special qualities of motherhood is something Allah has given to women, so what you are feeling is something naturally inbuilt in women.
Secondly don't think about divorce as a primary solution, only consider it as a 'last' resort. In the meantime try and persuade your husband that the time to have children feels right now rather than in XX.XX years.
Issues used in persuasion could range from:
Infertility and Age. There is a slow decline in pregnancy rates in the early 30's. This decline is more substantial in the late 30's and early 40's. Few women over 45 are still fertile.Miscarriage rates also increase substantially as the mother ages.
If your husband is worried that he will not be able to financially support a family because he is still studying then this is a lack of trust in the sustaining God. Remind him "There is no creeping being on earth but that upon God is its sustenance." (Surah 11: Hud:6)
But if your husband is sick, cannot bear the heavy responsibilities,
and cannot find any help from your governments or from the rich, then it is not contradictory to nature and not forbidden by shariah, or Islamic law to prolong having children. Ask your husband if any of these apply to him.
Finally this is a fatawi from a mutfi Sheikh Abdul-Majeed Saleem (1937). But check this out before hand, says it is permitted to use some contraceptives to prevent pregnancy such as azl, or use by the woman of something that prevents the semen from entering the womb (uterus). [color=red]'Husband and wife should have each other's permission to use contraceptives.'[/color]
|Re: Rights of Pregnancy|
|12/10/01 at 22:22:59|
|Bismillah and salam,|
May Allah guide us to the straight path. sister my understanding is that you had a condition to which you both agreed to for not to have children temporarily. Now that it is not an issue anymore, i feel (this is my own personal opinion) that if any two people make any contract that is become null for whatever reason they have to renew their contract (3ahd). It is part of having islamic manners. i feel you have the right to start persuing the great gift of motherhood.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind people of this by the the Majma al-Fiqh al-Islaami [url]http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=masjid&action=display&num=4003[/url]. Here we see some of the problems that may arise from birth control and may Allah make us one of those who are uloo alalbab to see his signs. I am not saying it is bad in all cases, but there are priorities and the prophet saws had encouraged to have children. It has become always secondary nowadays between muslims. If you felt you were unable to educate them islamically or whatever at one point, then if this situation changes, you should talk to the husband about fearing Allah now since you don't have that worrisome reason anymore.
Make du3a first though. Then when approaching him make sure that you pick a suitable time, and remind him of the imporatance of following the way of the prophet saws who was the best of example. But my advice to you is to demand an answer but not be so strong in words. He is your husband who loves you. The word divorce we take it so lightly nowadays even though we are told it is the worst of the halal in the eyes of Allah. It is something that shakes all of Allah's throne just to hear the word. You know your husband well enough to know by now hopefully to know what sort of makes his paternal feelings kick in. use that as well as what the sister mentioned before. Really open up to him about how you feel about motherhood and how it may strengethen your bond to go into a whole other level. If you still cannot get an answer from him, perhaps you can consider having a third party involved.
And 3afwan but how can he refuse? If he gives you no answer at all after all that, let him know that tough times call for tough measures that you will seduce him to get pregnant. It is natural.
Also do lots and lots of istighfar (repentance)
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