Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|11/25/01 at 12:04:20|
|My dearest Brothers and Sisters in Islam,|
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.
I pray you are all in the best of health and iman. :)
In this blessed month I have a serious question about forgiveness that I hope one or many of you can answer.
Within the past few months I was betrayed in a *big* way from a Muslim Brother who was very close to me, like family. It wasnít only one incident. It was something major that had many side effects. I stopped contact with him immediately and tried to move on with my life as much as possible. Things were going all right until this past week since Ramadan started. Through a family member of mine he contacted me via email seeking my forgiveness for all that he did to me.
Although I am *very* cautious about his actions he seems very sincere. He said that he made a major mistake and has/is repenting to Allah taíala. He also says that he has returned to Islam, heís praying, fasting and becoming more involved in the community. (I have verified this through mutual friends) He has asked for my forgiveness and has stated that he will try for the rest of his life to make it up to me. Now hereís the thing...
I feel that, in my heart, I want to forgive him. Even though he hurt me in the *worst* way imaginable, my conscience wonít allow me to hold the anger in, even if I feel I have the right to. :( The other problem is that I *canít* allow this Brother back into my life. I donít trust him and donít think I ever will, wallahu aílam. I feel that if I forgive him, he will see this as an opportunity to come back and try to make ammends. Who knows what the future holds, but right now I am too intimidated by him. I don't want him to feel like he owes me, or that he has to make it up to me. I want nothing from him except to be left alone.
Then again, I feel like if I *donít* forgive him and he really is trying to do whatís right by Islam, then he might not forgive himself and that will lay heavy on me. I don't want to be the stepping stone that will turn him away from Islam all together, and he is making me feel that way, however unintentional it is on his part.
I am at a crossroads. Can someone please give me some advice on what to do as this is *really* bothering me lately? If you break a trust with someone and they don't forgive you, yet you seek forgiveness from Allah ta'ala, will He (awj) still forgive you?
Jazakallahu Khairun for any and all advice you can give me.
P.S Ė I donít want to share personal details publicly and that is why this post is so vague.
|11/25/01 at 18:59:25|
|As salamu alaykum Serena,|
I think that in the long run it is in your best interest to forgive him and move on with your life. †Only Allah (swt)knows the whole truth and knows our intentions. †Insha'Allah on the day of judgement because you chose to forgive him Allah (swt) will be more merciful towards you and will forgive you for your sins.
As for starting up contact again. †If he tries just tell him that it is not ok Islamically. †Since he has gone back to Islam he might not want to have a frindship, but only wants to be forgiven by you for his mistakes. †Allah Alim
As salamu alaykum Sis,
|11/25/01 at 18:16:38|
|Forgive him and then move on with your life. Do nowt with him.|
|11/28/01 at 05:31:45|
If you feel that the right thing to do is to forgive him, then do so, but make it very clear to him that it doesn't mean you have room for him in your life, and also make it clear that you can forgive him but that doesn't mean you can trust him. In other words, tell him what you told us, that he CAN'T come back into your life and that you don't want him to try. Maybe you can make this a condition.
And don't get sucked into a guilt trip. Don't let him make you feel that if you don't let him "make it up to you" as you said he'll never get over it for the rest of his life.
To answer the question about whether Allah forgives someone that a person won't forgive, there's a hadeeth about this but, as usual, I don't know the exact wording...
Yes! I found it: (In Muslim)
"Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The gates of Paradise are not opened but on two days, Monday and Thursday. and then every servant (of Allah) is granted pardon who does not associate anything with Allah except the person in whose (heart) there is rancour against his brother. And it would be said: Look towards both of them until there is reconciliation; look toward both of them until there is reconciliation; look towards both of them until there is reconciliation.
This hadith has been narrated on the authority of Suhail who narrated it on the authority of his father with the chain of transmitters of MaIik, but with this variation of wording:, (Those would not be granted pardon) who bycott each other."
Abu Huraim reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying The deeds of people would be presented every week on two days, viz. Monday and Thursday, and every believing servant would be granted pardon except the one in whose (heart) there is rancour against his brother and it would he said: Leave them and put them off until they are turned to reconciliation.
May Allah ease your heart and mind
|11/28/01 at 10:56:48|
Forgiveness does ease the mind and lighten the soul. Its a hard process, but Inshaallah with His help, He will make it all light and easier for us all :-)
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