Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|The Big Test|
|11/08/01 at 00:43:40|
brothers and sisters,
I am overjoyed to say that this Ramadan will be my first one as a practising, witnessing muslim...
I hope IA that this holy month will be beneficial and blessed to you all... I also know that Ramadan is a particularly big test of your faith; individually and as an ummah. Especially for muslims who live with non-muslim family, this can be a cause of great contention.
I am just trying to imagine how it will be...
Waking up for suhoor... they hate when I wake up, and then going to the fridge...
Fasting all day... they will hate how I am not eating when everyone else is...
Praying salaat... they strictly have forbidden a muslim prayer in the house (even though I sneak it mostly or wait till night)
Going to mosque at night... this will be the biggest issue because it's one of the things that I am looking forward to IA.
They say they will not tolerate this... that it doesn't belong in a hindu home (i understand that they are angry and sad)...
When I quietly informed my parents of the upcoming Holy Month and prepare them for my actions as well as to teach them, the response was a big loud argument (I didn't argue back), comments on how muslims teach families to break apart, muslim mistakes of the past, current events, stories of back home, suicide threats, and culminating with a throwing down of a tranlsation of the Book and stamping it by foot...
I know we are not shaikhs and thus the opinions i ask are not necessarily fatwas,
I said I would live in the mosque for Ramadan... they are totally not understanding. As their adult child living in their home, what am I to do? I rarely open this up to others, but I want to fully trust Allah Subhana and ask brothers/sister their opinion...
What should I do?
What is permissible/not permissible to do?
When is enough enough, the line drawn to leave?
Anyone else in this situation?
btw someone remind me of any Ramadan for Beginner-type websites please.
Jazak Allahu Khairun, this is so hard to speak about. asalaamu alaikum. abdullah,.
|Re: The Big Test|
|11/08/01 at 00:50:33|
i dont think im the best to answer this, but maybe someone who has gone through it or is has converted would do better
....but i know that once you become muslim, you must do whatever Allah (SWT) has said to do in obedience to Him (SWT) even if it is against your parents.
Remember He (SWT) comes first ALWAYS!
|Re: The Big Test|
|11/08/01 at 01:27:12|
First and foremost, I'd like to say YAAAYY!! Congratulations! May Allah (SWT) make this month one of incredible spiritual growth and may each day strengthen your iman and make you stronger in your dedication to Islam. Ameen.
With that said, bro, I have to say, I envy you. A new Muslim, almost like a new born baby, embarking for the first time on this truly amazing journey. And not only that, but you're embarking on this journey in the face of adversity. And not just any adversity, but the disapproval of family-- a great adversity for anyone who cares about their parents. SubhanAllah bro, do you realize that with EVERY moment you fast, and every ayat you utter in prayer, and every word from the Quran you read, you are being rewarded many many fold because you are doing this out of love for Him despite the constant and eminent hardships?? Do you realize that while most Muslim families are forcing their children to fast and pray, YOU will be doing it soley on your own as your parents try to force you not to? Subhan'Allah, wallahi I pray that Allah rewards you many fold for all of your struggles.
Listen, I'm not going to tell you that its going to be easy, because I can almost guarantee that it won't. But I will say this. When you are faced with a hardship, take comfort in the fact that Allah (SWT) knows exactly what you are enduring in His cause, and that the Angels are recording good deeds for you because you are fighting for your deen. Bro, I pray that Allah gives you the strength to overcome ANY adversity you come across. And I pray that your parents and your family see the beauty of Islam, and if they don't accept it themselves, then I atleast pray that they accept you. Insha'Allah.
We have to remember, this life is a continuous struggle--and the second we stop struggling, we know we're doing something wrong. So keep struggling, it'll be worth it Insha'Allah. :)
How does that Dawud Wharnsby song go? "Allah only tests those that he loves...." "The words of Allah are clear to the world--after hardship will always come eeeeeeeeeeaaaaaase." ;-D
As for answering your questions--I'll let someone else do that, I just wanted to show my support! Go Muslims!! :)
And an early Ramadan Mubarak! :)
|Re: The Big Test|
|11/08/01 at 02:13:35|
|slm brother Abdullah, Alhamdulilah, you have shown such patience and may ALLAH swt ease your trials and fiil your path with light. Ameen.|
giving Dawah to the family is difficult as you have mentioned. with love and patience all battles can be won. even if your family eventualy does not see the path that you have taken,you would have tried your best, InshALLAH they may come to understand Islam. keep at it bro, but slowly and with tolerence. this is not a test of time, so go slowly.
if you are comfortable in your environment and wish to remain till you are independant do so brother, as long as you yourself stick to your practices. the counter argument to this brother may be that the environment may not be healthy for your progression as you need support around you. you will be the best judge of that. it is not easy to stay,nor easy to leave.
The only reason we are told to leave the home is if we are not allowed to practice our faith. however brother in some cases haste makes waste. leaving for Ramadan is a superb idea. this may enable you to test the waters. and may give you time for true reflection for yourself.
forgive me bro if i have not helped enough will try my best InshALLAH to help you. the brother and sisters here are truly wonderful and very supportive.
Some Prayers from the Quran for Patience,Persaverance and Steadfastness:
Innama Ashkoo Bath thi Wahozni Ilal lah
I only complain of my distraction and anguish to ALLAH
Qul Kafa Billahi Shaheedam Bayni Wabaynakum Innaho Kanna Bi ibadihi Khabeeram Baseera
Say: "Enough is ALLAH For a witness between me and you: for HE is well acquaninted with HIS servants,and HE sees (all things)
Prayers for the Family:
Rabbir hamhoma Kama Rabbayani Sagheera
My LORD! Bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they Cherished me in childhood.
Rabbij alni Muqeemas salati wamin thurriyyati.
Rabbana gh-firli Waliwalidayya Walilmu mineena Yawma Yaqoom ul hisab.
O my LORD! make me one who establishes regular prayer, and also (raise such)among my offspring
O our LORD and accept thou my prayer.
O our LORD! cover (us) with Thy Forgiveness, me, my parents and (all) Believers, on the Day that the Reckoning will be established!
|Re: The Big Test|
|11/08/01 at 05:02:04|
|Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,|
May Allah strengthen you through the trials you are going through.
I'm afraid that if your family was able to throw a translation of the Qur'an on the floor and stomp on it, they might be able to do the same thing with an original.
I'm also afraid they might force you to eat (although I don't really know how) or try to argue with you till you give up just to have some peace, although you don't sound liek a person who would do that, but who knows, human beings have their limits.
I don't want to turn you against your family, but I agree that maybe it would be a good time to spend away from them. Maybe you won't have to stay at the masjid if it's difficult, maybe you have some close friends who can take you in. I think even staying with non-Muslim friends would be easier than with your family, wallahu a'lam, although maybe it's better to stay in the mosque than with non-Muslims.... although it could be a great da'wa opportunity :)
So anyway, if you're able to do that, go ahead. If they threaten to stop supporting you, insha Allah Allah will provide for you.
|Re: The Big Test|
|11/08/01 at 06:39:37|
AhHhhHHh, I JUST DELETED an email that would've been *perfect* to pass onto you regarding Ramadan in general, inshaAllah I'll try to get a hold of the email asap again, and send it to you...I'm off to poli sci class tho in a bit, BUT I WILL get back to you on that inshaAllah!!
quick note: We're faced with tests everyday, this life is a test, Allah swt will not make you face something you can't handle. You have more control over this situation than you realize, inshaAllah everything will be fine, like some of the others that have replied, I too agree that perhaps getting away from your family at least for the month of Ramadan might provide you with the opportunity to enjoy and take part in fasting, etc a bit more easily, although I'm not sure how old you are, and whether moving away is even an option at this point.
hmm..I've met some converts, some sisters and bro that have accepted Islam, and at times they also faced similar situations, arguments etc with their parents, but alhumd they are some of the strongest Muslims I've seen ever now...InshaAllah with time things will get better for ya.
Remember to have sabr, and that in everything there is some sort of "betheri", ie good, that we might not see at first. Who knows, perhaps one day your family might accept Islam after seeing how much strength/peace etc it gives you.
InshaAllah I'll be in touch later on in the day with you, via email most prob, sooooOOoOoo don't delete anything from a "somaira" w/o reading it okay?
|Re: The Big Test|
|11/08/01 at 16:18:15|
|First, it's is good that you've restrained yourself in dealing with your parents.You want to show them that you reject their religion, not them as your parents. The situation you are facing is very similar to the way in which the early Muslims had to deal with their pagan families, some who would even go as far as physical abuse to stop them from coming to Islam. I know of families who opposed the reversion of one member, but as they learned about real Islam, they themselves converted! It sounds like your parents are mixing Islam and culture together. Right now, it seems like they are mostly trying to discourage you, not wholly preventing you from practicing Islam. Their beliefs may be anti-Islamic, but for now they don't seem bent on absolutely preventing you from practicing Islam. When that line is crossed, you should look at your other options.|
Another thing is, you want to be sure to show your parents that this is a permanent decision of yours, so that any effort on their part to make you leave is very futile. While this may initially anger them, maybe it will eventually bring about acceptance of your choice.
Maybe you could share with them your reasons for reverting? Bringing up the many positive characteristics and practices of the Prophet, the way he treated the people he was fighting against, etc. You may want to wait for them to be more accepting before you try more of these suggestions.
Are the issues your parents raised the real reason for their opposition? Or is it really another problem you need to address?
It's so hard to live with people who don't care for or virulently oppose the Shariah, but if you can do it without sacrificing your Islam, you should.
|Re: The Big Test|
|11/09/01 at 00:44:31|
First of all a very early Ramadan mubarak and may Allah bless you
tremendously for your patience and kindness with your parents. That is very
I don't know what to say to you. I left home sometime ago but came back
after my parents promised not to fight with me anymore and my father
agreed not to disrespect me and hit me. I'm not a convert. Born and
raised as a Muslim. I'm over 18 years old. The fighting in my home has been
over completely different reasons but unlike you, at one point or
another I talked/yelled back at my parents. Again, I must say that your
attitude with them is admirable. That is a tremendous blessing from Allah,
do you realize that? Despite my big faults, Allah has helped me a lot
throughout my hard times and Inshallah He will help you too.
If you leave to stay at the masjid then that will definitely be a big
step, and so I would suggest that you make Istikhara and ask for Allah's
guidance. Only you know how tough Ramadan will be because of your
Before I left home I made Istikhara. I guess because I am a girl my
father was shocked by my decision and that made him check his behavior.
For right now anyway. But since you are a guy, that might not be the case
for you, your parents may not change their behavior. But Ramadan might
be beneficial for you despite that. So make Istikhara and have trust in
Allah. Never underestimate the Power of Allah. During the last few
days, I have seen some miracles happen in my life. For years and years I
had to put up with a lot and Allah has rewarded me for it in major ways.
So keep praying and hang in there. You are in my duas.
Your sister in Islam,
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