Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
|10/20/00 at 16:41:40|
Sisters, I know what the Quran says about multiple marriages by men. What do you feel about it and why? I didn't know how to make the flames come out of the icon so hence a question mark
|10/20/00 at 19:53:42|
I THINK the Quran says that a man can marry another woman only if his first wife can't have kids. I don't know about that. But whenever I get married(inshallah) and I can't have kids(God forbid),if my husband remarries I *WILL* divorce him in a second! Because I'm the jealous type,no matter how equal the attention is. Second (to me)it's gross. Third, no one in my family will stand for it. That's my opinion and I feel strongly about it.
|10/21/00 at 07:06:25|
As far as my knowledge goes, there is no ayah that restricts polygamy to that. If there is an ayah please enlighten me.
I think a sister would best be able to answer your other points.
|10/21/00 at 17:20:59|
There is a verse in the Qur'an which states something to the effect: "It does not behoove someone who believes in Allah and the Last Day that when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter, that they should have any other way than it."
In my humble opinion, when Allah has decreed polygamy to be an allowed practice, and has put no restrictions for it except that the man do justice between all his wives, and that he doesn't marry any number of women beyond four, then it does not suit us to talk about whether we "like" His decree or "dislike" it. I think this point goes back to Abu Khaled's first post in "things that make you go hmmmmm" topic under Akhwat folder. I suggest you go and read it.
|10/21/00 at 23:37:28|
|[quote] That's my opinion and I feel strongly about it.[/quote]|
Sara what you should do and which I've confirmed you can do is add that to your marriage contract. It's something sisters can add: that they don't want to enter into a polygamous marriage at a later date and if their husband wants to do that then the wife can divorce him. hopefully you and your husband can discuss this beforehand and agree upon these things before getting married, but if you feel strongly about it put it in your contract!
Yes polygamous marriage is allowed by sharh' but to each his/her own personal preferences.
btw i don't believe the Quran put any conditions on polygamous marriage except the equity in time and economics.
|10/22/00 at 16:04:38|
|As Salaam Alaikum, |
My "view" on multilple marriages has changed as I have grown in Islam. I used to have an opinion similar to Sara but I have since then looked at the situation differently. Allah desires for us to want for our sisters what we want for ourselves. Also, everything that we recieve is not really ours in the Western unislamic sense. But in reality everything is Allah's and it is a gift and a blessing from Him, including our spouses. He has made us to be partners so that we can find rest and comfort in them (to bad I can't quote that ayah!) Therefore we should not be selfish with our gifts from him and be willing to give of that which we cherish most. Allah says we will not gain rightousness until we can do this.
So, I feel that if there is a sister in my community who I know to be an upright muslimah and she has lost her husband,has been abandoned, or cannot find a decent husband and I know that my husband has the means and maturity to care for both of us I may even suggest for him to look into it. Now sisters, you may think i am a bit crazy but think about it this way.
There are soooo many more available women in the world than men. I saw an article (by non-muslims) that the ratio of men to women in a particular European country is so skewed that if each man were to have one woman for life, thousands of women would never get the chance to have a loving affectionate relationship with a man, never get to be provided for, never get to have intimate relationship in a halal setting and never get to have children in a halal setting.
The solution for this in the west is adultury, divorce and lesbianism,all of which are not ideal for muslims. So what has Allah allowed for us in His Infinite Wisdom?? Multiple marriages!
I know that in my city (Boston) there are so many unmarried sisters, especially older ones who have been divorced or who converted late in life. These women desire marriage, something that we all have a right to but many muslim men are in jail, not practicing or allready married. If we could open up, and become more mature about this allowance from Allah maybe these women will not have to live their lives alone, trying to raise children on welfare and working two jobs just to get food on the table.
Imagine the belssings a woman can recieve if she is willing to give such a huge sadaqah to a needy sister!!!! Subhan'Allah, this is such an opportunity to win the favor of our Creator!!
I personally have decided that in my marriage contract I will stipulate that if my husband wants to get a second wife, I have to approve. I think I should be able to meet the sister and feel comfortable that she will be a positive addition to our family, not a detriment. In a sense she is not just marrying him but my whole family. It takes allot of maturity to be a co-wife or a husband with more than one wife so in order for it to work we must be careful and wise. I will not accept my husband looking for a wife until our marriage is stable and comfortable. He should focus on his first marraige and solidify it before diverting his attention to other women. That is just common sense and respect. If he begins looking and we hit a rocky patch he should stop looking and work on our relationship. I also do not think a man should look for another wife for unislamic reasons (which I beieve is more common than we may think). Some brothers want to continue to be "players" and have this "pimp" status in a so-called halal setting by having more than one woman taking care of him and sleeping with him but that is not acceptable. Allah says that men should not look for wives for impure reasons seeking merely sexual satisfaction (does anybody know the ayah I am referring to?) but we should look for spouses for pure and good reasons. Namely to help maintain a balanced community and complete our religion.
I am not sure about marrying because the first wife cannot bear children. Allah does mention that wealth and children are an adornment of the life of this world but prayer and charity are better for the next life and better for reward from Allah so that is something to think about. If your marriage to another woman is sought for more children (in an egotistical sense) and it destroys the first commitment you made is it really worth it?
Something to think about.
Allah Knows Best
|10/23/00 at 15:50:28|
Wow, some words of wisdom there Aminah. I totally agree with you.
Sara, dear, there is no such aya in the Qur'an which says a man can marry a second wife only because if his first wife can't have children.
If we don't understand the hikmah behind Allahs ruling then we should ask Him to guide us and help us in the matter. We should never say that we don't agree with Him. I know that you didn't exactly mean that but still, your attitude towards this is understandable but not really acceptable. If you feel that strongly about it then just put it in your marriage contract. But please don't say what you said above in such a manner. I hope you understand and don't get angry with me.
None of us are perfect but we should try to better ourselves in every way possible. A few years ago, I felt the same way about this like you did. But now that I have matured (hey, i think i've matured!), I understand it alhamdullilah. (But still the thought of my husband loving another wife more than me gets me jelous when i think about how life would be in a polygomous marriage.) But having that weakness doesn't mean that we should reject such a practical decision such as this. Not only there are less men in the world than women, but out of those men, so many are gays. So that leaves even more poor women who can never get married unless everyone takes a second wife.
|10/23/00 at 10:01:12|
[quote]Not only there are more men in the world than women ...[/quote]I think you meant to say "there are *less* men in the world than women."
|10/23/00 at 12:52:26|
As all have said the correct things before me,I have only one addition to Sara and the sisters who don't like this idea,just pray to Allah that you do not become a spinster or disabled, and would at that time want to marry any man even if you are wife number 4!!
I am sorry if I am harsh ,but this "I don't think"... and..." to my way of thinking", business is too much and we are all supposed to be muslims who want to obey Allah and His Messenger and we all have but one goal, and that is to go to JAnnah.
|10/23/00 at 13:44:32|
I think Aminah you said just about everything I was thinkng when I started this post. Saleema yes that is definetly a sign of maturity.
I think it is highly respectable to think of it as expanding your family instead of him just getting another wife.
As a couple of other sisters mentioned I too have 'matured' in relation to polygamous marriages. Prior to my conversion you could not have even told me I would feel the way I feel now. Sara I notice that you were the only one to post with the opposite opinion. Hey if that is the way you feel I appreciate that you didn't hide that fact or decide you were going to ignore this post because you maybe haven't fully comprehended Allah's (swt) Divine guidance. InshaAllah this maturity will come.
I would still like to hear from some of the sisters who feel this is one part of Islam they will refuse to embrace. Ok let me put it another way... from those sisters who really don't want for their sisters what they want for themselves. No, that may seem offensive but is it the truth?
|10/24/00 at 18:00:30|
I read everyone's posts.
Saleema: I read somewhere that a man can remarry if his wife is barren. That's one of the reason's a man can remarry. In my post,I said "I THINK" the Qur'an stated that. That ment I wasn't sure. I hope that cleared that up.
Jannah: When I said "That's my opinion and I feel strongly about it" and then you said if I feel that strongly about it,I should talk it over with my husband and put that in the marriage contract. That is a GREAT idea!!!
If I was one of the strictest,religious person, I would still feel the way I do. I agree with the reasons why a man could have a another wife. Because it makes sense. But if my husband decided he wanted another wife, I would stand for it. To SOME of you, I may sound selfish. But I'm really not. Like I said in my first post, I'm the jealous type and couldn't handle the thought of my husband with another woman. I do not think think this way beacause I'm born and raise in the U.S* I couldn't care less what my american friends think of me! I'm my own person and everyone doesn't think the same.
|10/24/00 at 18:10:58|
Quote( But if my husband decided he wanted another wife, I would stand for it.)Quote
Sorry, I MENT I WOULD *NOT* STAND FOR IT!!
I was typing too fast.
|10/24/00 at 22:12:48|
|Jazakh'Allah Khairun Saleema for the compliment. I just pray that what I said could be helpful for someone:)|
|What can you put in your marriage contract?|
|10/30/00 at 23:00:15|
Some of you were asking about this question and the "proof" for it.
Here are some notes from a marriage seminar we had with our imam brother mokhtar last year:
What can be in a prenuptual agreement?
The most "liberal" view is that of Imam Ahmed, Ibn Taymeeyah, and Ibn Qayyim who say that any agreement can be included as long as it does not cause harm to the other party or contradict qat'i rulings and even if the benefit is to one party only.
This includes taking no other wives or including having to stay in the U.S. ie "I marry you under condition that you never marry anyone else." or "I get married to you as long as we live in the United States". This gives them the right to annul the marriage later if these clauses are agreed to at the time of marriage.
Other scholars say it's not valid at all, some say the marriage is valid, the conditions are not.
The Ahmed/Hanbali school is the most consistent (strongest view) because it preserves the well-being of both parties and the noble maqasid of the shari'ah. And Allah knows best.
|10/30/00 at 23:43:06|
|oh my goodnesss|
i believe in the whole soulmate idea
hmmmm there will be me and him ...no third woman thank uuu goooood lordddyyyyy hehehehe
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